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diaryland
2003-12-18, 6:40 p.m.

I think the most astounding thing anyone has ever said to me is "it's just music." It's...it's just not. It's a life, a world, a dream, a love, a pain, a torture, a promise, an understanding, a challenge, a future and a past. It's just... not just.

The photographs remain the same. I don't want you anymore. Justin was right. You're not the man I thought you were. But you are, because I always knew you'd be the one to break my heart. I just never thought it would be like this.

The memories I have are the same. Scarred a bit perhaps. Burnt by no flame. And I feel old. Older than I should.

Firefly the other night. The whole place is changed. Reopened as a bar. Not a bad thing, just a change.

I walk down 4th hoping I don't run into you. I hurry from my car to the studio so I don't see you. I do anyways. You say all the things I should have heard before while saying nothing at all. I say I must go, in a hurry and sorry, so have fun tonight with her. You didn't say her. I know it's her.

I cannot figure out what's more wrong with me? The fact that I fell for you in the first place or the fact that I acted so stupidly when I really should have done what I've always done and turned away from you. Yet the memory of a friend's words keep echoing in my head "no regrets." So I don't.

I am however, over you. I've met someone else. I don't know what will happen and I'm okay with that. Because he doesn't need for me to be someone I'm not. He doesn't play games with my head or use me. He doesn't do any of the things that you've done. And as long as he doesn't do those things, regardless of what happens, I'm happy with that. DEAL WITH IT.